As Am I
by kklmx
Summary: Leliana did not expect to fall in love with the beautiful Warden. But how can she not when the elven woman is the very essence of justice and compassion and everything Leliana strives to be? Rated M for later chapters.


**I know that there are several Leliana/Tabris pairings and this isn't exactly original, but most the fics I read portray Tabris as angry and spiteful towards humans, and lets be honest who can blame her. But I decided to take a somewhat different approach. I may add more to this depending on the feedback so please comment and let me know what you think. Just please be gentle it's my first fic. **

**Also, I did not write the fable about the bear and the bee, I merely found it on the internet and fine tuned it a bit, I am unaware of the author so if you know who it is please let me know so that I may give them credit. Thanks again. Read on!**

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Leliana sat silently by the river near camp. She wasn't on watch duty, but she didn't feel particularly tired either. Her mind had too many thoughts coursing through it to allow her to find any sort of rest. This had been the case more and more as of late, and she found the distraction both welcoming and infuriating. She had joined this merry band of misfits to help destroy the Blight and be a part of a greater good. She had hoped that by being a part of this journey she could atone for her past sins and leave behind the person that she had been. That was it, plain and simple.

Only now, things weren't so simple. She admitted that part of her was hoping to make friends along the way, and indeed she had. But she had not expected to grow so close to them. She had not expected to grow so close to _her. _

Leliana had vowed long ago to keep what was left of her heart locked away. Nobody would ever know that part of her again, she was determined to move on with her life and set aside her naive perceptions of love, convinced that there was nobody who was truthful or trustworthy enough to possess her heart again. And that was just fine by her, she didn't have time for such things as it was anyway. She had firmly believed all of these things until Ashe had walked into the tavern and into her life.

Ever since that fateful day in Lothering when Ashe had agreed to allow Leliana to travel with them despite the warnings and not so subtle objections cast by her companions, the elf had never ceased to amaze Leliana with her compassion and strong desire to do what was right. The fact that Ashe was an elf fresh from the Denerim alienage made all of these traits more admirable. Leliana had met many elves in her time traveling, but never had she seen one so open and kind to humans, especially those who were suffering. Several times along their journey, Ashe had shown her compassion to those in need.

In Lothering there had been a young boy who had been separated from his mother, and rather than shun him as Morrigan had been so quick to do, Ashe had given the boy a silver for something to eat. She had even made and arrangement with Barlin at Dane's refuge to make sure the boy was fed and sheltered until he found his mother.

"You jest, surely." Morrigan had offered. "The boy's mother is more than likely dead, and the boy himself will perish soon as well. What could you possibly hope to gain by giving the child false hope?"

"Better that he has none?" Ashe responded calmly.

"Better that he learn the hard truth now rather than grow to be soft in the head like Alistair."

"Hey!" Alistair said offended.

Ashe said no more on the matter, but Leliana had instantly respected her for her character. Despite this fact, she remained cautious. She decided she would wait to see if her morals faltered before she formed a true opinion of the girl.

But Ashe never faltered. Throughout their entire journey she had always stood by what she thought was right and had gone out of her way to help those in need. Ashe never had much to give, but she was always willing to share what she did have. Her last heel of bread to a hungry child who had not eaten in days, her last healing potion to a wounded stranger, even buying meaningful gifts for her companions.

Leliana absently toyed with the amulet around her neck that held the sacred symbol of Andraste. Ashe had purchased the charm for her on their last visit to Denerim.

"I thought you might like something to remind you of the Chantry," she had said. "I debated on stealing the Revered Mother's robes but this seemed more fitting."

Leliana had been stunned, nobody had ever given her a gift that did not come with any sort of obligation, and while Ashe did not know it, the amulet had become Leliana's most treasured possession.

Eventually Leliana had begun to let her guard down and become closer to Ashe. She looked forward to the nights that they stood watch together, finding enjoyment from the other woman's company. Leliana surprised even herself when she had opened up to the Warden about her past, about Orlais and Marjolaine and her life as a bard. Leliana had feared that Ashe would abandon her and lose trust in her, but once again Ashe had surprised her and accepted her without question or judgement.

Leliana was relieved to find friendship in another again, but as time went on, her feelings of friendship had begun to stir up long suppressed feelings. She had tried to push them away, tried to will them to be buried again. But it was no use, Leliana was falling for the Warden. She was a beautiful person, not only inside but on the outside as well.

_Maker but she is beautiful..._

Leliana had seen many beautiful women in her time, but there was something about the elven beauty that made her heart race. Her shoulder length brown hair that always seemed to shine. Her dark green eyes that begged Leliana to get lost in them. Even her olive skin that was marked with an innumerable amount of scars, no doubt the result of mistreatment from her time in the alienage.

Leliana wasn't sure where Ashe stood in regard to her feelings. She knew that she and Alistair were close, and admittedly she had been jealous at first. But after watching them for a time decided that was no romantic spark between them.

She sighed and laid back on the grass, staring up at the stars. They were startlingly bright tonight, and not a cloud could be seen in the sky. It was one of the first truly beautiful nights Leliana could remember having since leaving Orlais. Or maybe it just seemed beautiful now that Ashe was in her life.

"Tired are we? It's a good thing you are not on guard duty tonight."

Ashe's voice started her out of her thoughts, but as was her nature she recovered quickly.

"The way you stomp around every darkspawn in Ferelden will be alerted to our location, so my lackluster guard duties will make little difference."

Ashe smiled and Leliana felt her heart flutter.

"Couldn't you sleep?"

Ashe sat on the grass next to her and pulled her knees up to her chest. "Oghren's snores could wake the dead. I thought it best to leave rather than smother him."

"Morrigan may not be as merciful."

"Knowing Oghren he would take her sneaking into his tent as a sign of interest rather than attempted murder."

Leliana smiled. Ashe's sense of humor was just one more thing that drew Leliana to her. It was relieving to know that no matter how dark things seemed, Ashe was always able to lighten everyone's spirits with her rapier wit.

Leliana chanced a glance at the other girl, and her eyes caught sight of the scars that lined Ashe's arm. The thin pale lines were visible in the moonlight and though Leliana tried not to stare, she could not tear her eyes away. A ripple of anger coursed through her, how could anyone hurt a creature so pure and delicate? How could another living being inflict such pain on another soul.

Ashe must have sensed her staring. "When I was younger, all the children in the alienage would get together and compare injuries. The oldest of us would declare a winner and that child would get to be the "hero" for the day. Stupid really, but when you won it made everything seem like it was worth it. Like we were not needlessly suffering without a purpose."

"I'm sorry," Leliana started "I didn't mean to-"

Ashe shook her head and smiled. "Don't apologize. I am the reigning champion."

Leliana smiled. The words came out before she could stop herself.

"How do you do it?"

"Do what?"

"I mean, how have you become so forgiving? Most elves that I meet would not offer a human a drink of water if they were dying on the street. And I cannot blame them, you have been treated horribly by humans, yet you show compassion and forgiveness even as they seek to do you more harm."

Ashe bit her lip in the way she always did when she was thinking of what to say. "I guess it comes from my mother."

Leliana was silent. Ashe rarely opened up about her past, and Leliana did not want to ruin this chance at a rare glimpse into the other girl's life by pushing the issue.

"My mother was strong, and a great warrior. She taught me how to fight, how to survive. But she also taught me to never use my skills to harm others, even if they have wronged us. She used to tell me and my cousin this story that was supposed to teach us about revenge and forgiveness but we mainly listened because it meant we did not have to do our chores."

"I would like to hear this story." Leliana said with genuine interest.

Ashe smiled. "I'm no story teller. Especially not when compared to you."

"Oh, come now. I have told you many stories and I tire of the sound of my own voice."

"Fine, but no making fun of me, I did warn you."

Leliana imitated Ashe's pose and pulled her knees up to her chest.

Ashe was silent for a moment and looked as a person does when they awake from a dream and struggle to hold onto the details.

"Once, a long time ago there lived a bear. Not a mean, vicious bear that lives in the forest, but a tame bear. One day, as he was walking in his master's farm-yard, he was stung by a bee. The bee must have thought the bear offended him in some way, though he was not aware of it. The bee however thought the bear had wronged him on purpose, and treated the offender accordingly. The sting of the bee was extremely painful for a while, it pained the bear for several hours but the next day the pain was gone and it was as if nothing had happened. The bear felt wounded by the attack, and was very angry that so little a creature as a bee had dared to treat an animal of his importance so unceremoniously. He vowed revenge, and was determined to punish the whole community of bees, for the injury which had been given to him by one of their species. He went to the hive that the bee had flown out of, and with his snout pushed it from the shelf upon which it stood, and overturned it upon the ground.

'There," he said, 'Now take heed the next time you behave so terribly to a bear!'

"The bees were enraged, for their combs are formed in a specific order of wax. Every one of the cells has exactly six sides; and the whole together is like a great city. Here was the whole city of these poor bees overturned in a moment by the unreasonable vengeance of this stupid bear. More than a hundred bees flew out at once; they all fixed upon the bear, and stung him in every part of his body and head.

The sting of one bee does no lasting harm, but the sting of a hundred bees would kill a lesser creature. The bear was in excruciating pain for several days, his skin as hot as fire. During this time, he reflected on how foolish, as well as wicked it is that in return for one trifling injury, we put ourselves in a rage and do all the harm we can.

Eventually, the farmer's son came, and put the hive upon the shelf again, which the bees could never have done themselves. It was however, a long while before they had repaired all the disorder the bear had committed, and some of their young ones who had done no harm were crushed to death."

Ashe finished the story and shrugged slightly. "Anyway, it was supposed to teach us that revenge will only cause more harm both to ourselves and to those who are innocent of causing us harm. I don't tell it as well as she did."

Leliana smiled warmly. "You did quite well, I may make you start the stories when we are on watch together."

"You will be disappointed. That's the only story I know."

The two sat in silence for several minutes, both staring out at the blackness of the lake, lost in their own thoughts. Leliana tried to search for something to say, but as was so often the case with Ashe, words failed her.

"You seem to have followed your mother's teachings quit well. I think she would be proud of you."

Ashe sighed. "I hope so."

Leliana had the sudden urge to embrace the Warden, but she resisted. The last thing she wanted was to drive away the one person she had felt a connection to in years.

"I, uh, I've never talked to anyone about my mother before. Thank you for listening."

"Thank you for trusting me."

Ashe stood up and turned to return to camp. She paused and turned to Leliana and stared at her for a moment.

"I am glad you're with us."

Leliana sat in silence as the girl disappeared through the trees. A smile spread across her face. She didn't think Ashe knew how much those words meant to her. Leliana didn't even know until she had heard them.

She clutched the amulet in her hand again and brought it up to her smiling lips. "As am I."


End file.
